Gurkhas sans grrr..

Guru Gorakhnath would be really angry if he could see his descendants near my home. The Gurkhas of Madras are largely a spoilt lot. Gurkhas are known to be absolutely fearless and all of them have the same name - Bahadur. They are warrior like and have even been called the preservers of humanity. But the Gurkhas who migrated to Madras for employment are probably the poets and bards of their tribe. I am basing these observations purely on the couple of Gurkhas that I have suffered.

Contestant No. 1: Mr. Jung Bahadur. Security in-charge of my office. We've shifted office since then, but the edifice is still stationed there, I am told. Mr. Jung Bahadur sleeps during the day, and sleeps during the night. It is in twilight that he wages his verbal war with other Bahadur brethren of the continent. These guys never leave their post, even if they are told that there is a naked women rally on the main road. But every evening, there is a meeting of at least a dozen Gurkhas on bicycles. How that is possible within the realms of known physics baffles me, and there is know way I can ask them. I am pretty sure that they are so lazy that they haven't figured out a language yet, but emit tremendous sounds directed at each other, just so it looks like they are engaged in intelligent conversation. Therefore, there must be a Gurkha contingent that travels around the city attending twilight meetings, and are not employed anywhere. There was an incident that actually made us subscribe to bigger theft and burglary insurance for our office. We had gone out of town on work, and our loyal "office boy" was the Fortress keeper. The stalwarts of the Electricity Department had managed to dig a huge pit at the end of the road, with a view to give the Roadways Department more work. The guy who was "working" inside the pit, apparently had his brain shorted out long ago on some arbitrary Min Kambam which was powering an entire slum. So, this guy went ahead and joined two high voltage leads, reducing every electrical device in the street to cinders. An air conditioner in the house opposite to our office, literally exploded, and the sound of the explosion could be heard in the next block. A poor woman sleeping inside passed out due to the shock. The ambulance arrived and the woman was rushed to hospital. When things quietened a bit, our office boy noticed that Mr. Jung Bahadur was fast asleep, had not even moved a micro-millimeter.

Contestant No. 2: Mr. Veer Bahadur. Son of the Security in-charge at our office. I employed him in my house. Life used to be so difficult then, Every morning, I had to wake him up, to get him to open the gates. Took at least half an hour. We even had a stick called the Gurkha stick for this purpose. There was this one time, when an aged relative had come to visit us. Our Gurkha was in a deep catatonic state right below the doorbell. She tried calling out to him. Didn't work. She tried the prod-with-a-stick approach. No use. So, she decided that she will try and reach over him and ring the doorbell. The poor woman slipped and fell squarely on Mr. VB in a heap, and grabbed his face to prevent herself from falling to the ground. And then she realized that Mr. Veer Bahadur had not even moved a muscle! He was fast asleep even after the door was opened. We sent him packing shortly afterwards and we live Gurkhaless till date.

The reason for the youthfulness of the Gurkhas is their tantric yoga and fierce athletic life. But then, the reason for the youthfulness of our Madras Gurkhas is perpetual hibernation.